I started out today, Christmas Eve, crying my eyes out. I sat down at the computer to get my quick fix before running around and trying to clean house, go to the grocery, and make a stocking, all before 3 o'clock this afternoon. The stress of everything I had to get done was weighing heavily on me all day yesterday and when I awoke today, but it hadn't pushed me to the verge of tears, at least not yet. For some reason, before my feet even touched the ground, I realized that I hadn't printed a copy of Will's picture on our adoption agency's special needs page. I'd hated to miss that little piece of history, so I ran into the computer room to copy it.
A few weeks after we got back from China, our agency had contacted parents of children with special needs about getting pictures to use for their website. We were more than happy to oblige because of our three favorite things--pictures, Will, and adoption (not necessarily in that order)! Will, the perfect model of a child with a special need, is there as soon as you pull up the web page. What I hadn't seen before this morning, was the AHH Blessings Video. Doing what every mother with a million things to do on Christmas Eve would do, I sat down to watch the video instead. And the tears started.
Staring back at me were the faces of some of the most beautiful children in the world. Many of the children we didn't know, but some were extra close to my heart as we had journeyed through China with them and their families. Others we had actually applied for, or wanted to apply for, on the special needs list. Obviously, that didn't work out, but it was so wonderful to see not only the pictures that had made us love them at first, and then a picture of how they had changed and are thriving now. Will's beautiful face popped up there also. Then it hit me--Christmas was all about a baby.
These babies are beautiful. They pulled at my heart strings and reminded me that we are one of the luckiest families in the world to have our Will, with all his spunk and personality, home with us. We hadn't even seen his picture last Christmas. What we had seen was a picture of one of those little girls in the video who we couldn't even apply for because of a piece of paperwork. In our hearts last Christmas, a seed was planted to move forward with a special needs adoption. God gave me the foresight last Christmas to know that we needed to move on in the adoption process because, after all the waiting, we were to have a child SOON.
The beautiful faces on the video, also reminded me that there are so many beautiful children that still need a home. I was driving in the car a few days ago and the Steven Curtis Chapman song came on, "All I Really Want for Christmas is a Family." It's about an older orphan boy who gets into trouble and really just wants a family. I started crying and looked back at Will, so glad he'll always remember having a family, even if we missed a few months. Of course, Will was just giggling and playing, oblivious to how moved I was by the song on the radio. That song, however, just like the video, reminded me there are more babies out there needing loving homes.
Jesus was "adopted" by Joseph. We have been reading various versions of the true Christmas story every night. We point out baby Jesus whenever we see nativity scenes. Will gets very excited and shouts "baby!" He also points at Mary and Joseph and screams at the top of his lungs, "Mommy! Daddy!" It's the sweetest (and loudest) sound that you'll ever hear. Sometimes, he'll point to Mary and say "Mommy!" and then look back at me. I am so blessed to be Will's mommy. I just don't know how I could love him any more than I already do, but somehow I find a way to love him more every day.
While all these thoughts were tumbling through my head watching that video, it also occurred to me how lucky Mary was to be Jesus' mommy. How lucky Joseph was to be His daddy. How lucky are all the parents who have children to spend Christmas with. How my heart breaks for those parents who long for a child to spend Christmas with. But Christmas is really about one child, baby Jesus. I'm so glad I sat down at my computer this Christmas Eve morning to have a good cry and refocus before I started the day.
Will arranging the nativity.